


Parallel

by floof



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, Jossed but eh what do I care, Masturbation, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-08
Updated: 2014-04-08
Packaged: 2018-01-18 16:11:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1434616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/floof/pseuds/floof
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's strange, these similarities between them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Parallel

**Author's Note:**

> Originally a tumblr prompt meme; edited for here. It's been jossed but I don't really mind; wrote it before the second movie anyway.
> 
> Some of it is weirdly written but \o.o/ I don't care.

When Steve went down, Peggy spent a long time crying when she saw the American flag. Why, why didn't she just admit she liked him sooner? Later, as she heals, she smiles at Steve's picture now and again. It still hurts, but he wouldn't want her to mourn for ever. He was a good guy.

When Steve defrosts, he doesn't learn Peggy's still alive. Even once he does, it's too hard to go see her, to call her. He failed....but sometimes, he dreams of having made it through the crash. Of how he could have woken her up every morning, made love to her sweetly...Her picture is perched on his mirror, the first thing he looks at when he wakes up, and the last thing he sees before he goes to bed.

~

Peggy Carter never wanted to be a housewife; Joining the military in the forties should be proof enough of that. But sometimes, she sighs; and she wonders what Steve's favorite food would be. She decides it's something stupidly American like apple pie, and when she makes it, she tries not to cry as she slices it up. Steve wouldn't like that. She'd be strong for Steve.

Steve knows he should call her, he knows he should. But she's old, and he's not. What if she'd had a happy life, without him in it? He chastises himself for these thoughts, He wants her to have been happy. But he's a bit afraid that she didn't miss him at all. Now and again, he makes those muffin things he'd seen her eat once or twice. He makes it all the way to the post office before deciding not to send them after all. Telling himself to let it go, that she moved on. Maybe it was time he did to. But it's so hard.

~

It takes her awhile to go to bed at a normal time, after loosing Steve. It's just – thoughts keep her up. What if he was still out there? But that's just silly. Even her Captain couldn't live through that. Eventually, she falls asleep.

Once he's free of SHIELD; has his own apartment; Steve starts to regret how little he needs sleep. He catnaps now and again, and it's enough to replenish himself. Beating the punching bag keeps the thoughts at bay, but only until the bag breaks.

~

There was a time, during the war; when Steve surprised her with flowers. Now that he is gone, she regrets turning him down. It was just – there was so much fighting. She couldn't afford to get attached. Now that it's not an option....Peggy regrets. 

Is it weird to send your...not exactly your ex, but well, the girl you liked a lot when you were in your twenties and so was she; and now you're in your twenties and she's in her eighties....yeah, it's weird to send her flowers on her birthday. But Steve so wants to.

~

She's not ashamed per say; but if anyone asks Peggy about how the first time she saw Steve Rogers after – well, after...she'll admit she touched his chest; but she won't admit how she touched herself later that night. Wondering what he was like in bed. Probably completely clueless, but that would be okay. She could teach him. She was good at that.

Steve's not sure what to make of the blatant sexual imagery of the future. They had it in his day, yeah. But well – pin up girls. Sexist commercials he didn't really like had a level of it, but it wasn't – it wasn't pretty ladies sucking lewdly on popsicles. Sometimes he lays awake at night, and brings an image to mind as his hand wanders lower, but then the girl quickly turns into her and the mood is gone. She doesn't look like that anymore; probably hasn't thought about him in years.

~

Peggy knows better, she knows Steve is dead. Knows there isn't anyway he's going to show up. Despite that, despite Howard telling her 'Babe, don't do this to yourself', despite General Phillips frowning when he see's her in a beautiful red dress, dressed to the nines in makeup and jewelry; she still goes. Waits for a man who isn't coming to sweep her off her feet.

Once he's settled, Once he's in his own place...Steve thinks about going to club, he really does. But he still doesn't know how to dance. She wouldn't be there, anyway. Not after all this time. He's late. He's so, so late. Too late. 

~

It's stupid, and she tells Howard she isn't interested when he leaves a Captain America bear on her bed, along with a bouquet of roses. That's not the way to get her attention, bringing up dead men isn't going to get her to drop her dress. Besides, he's got a pretty young thing in Maria. But if she still clutches the bear to her chest as she sleeps, no one is the wiser.

Unknown to him, Steve echoes this action decades later. A pillow in his arms as he attempts to get a few hours rest; he doesn't admit to himself that he wishes it was pretty brunette instead. He needs to let it go, let her go. This can't be healthy; but the dreams of her make him forget how he promised to stop doing this, each and every night.

~

It might not be healthy; but watching the movies of him; storming Hollywood beaches while actors playing soldiers march behind him; it helps her let go of her sadness sometimes. His smile doesn't hurt then; because it's so earnest, so pure. Peggy can pretend it's just for her.

Steve doesn't get a TV for his apartment. He doesn't mess with new technology much. Not because he can't figure them out; he can. It just...it makes it all too real. That this is the future, no, it's the present and he can never go back. He wonders what movies, what television shows Peggy liked. Would he have liked them to? He needs to stop thinking about this...

~

They never really dated; but now and again she thinks back to the times the Howling Commandos would go to the bar after a mission; and get roaring drunk. Steve would always sit beside her, and choke over his words as he tried to think of something to say, tried to pay for her drink but she'd never let him, adorable as he was.

The waitress asks him out once; after the battle of NYC. How she found him he'll never know. He stutters for a full minute, cheeks flushing. But he ends up saying no. He's too – raw, it hurts too much. She's beautiful, yes. But not who he wants. Even though he knows better.

~

She didn't take him up on it, there was a war going on after all. Steve never actually said the words 'Do you want to go back to my tent?'. He'd started to, even gotten to 'back to' before the gunfire started and they had to spring into action. But later that night, she let herself think of how it might have gone if the bullets never went off. 

It's wrong and Steve knows that. But sometimes, after a mission, he'll stroke himself and bring up mental images of her. He never undresses her past her underwear – that's just too...wrong, even for this. But he likes to feel how soft she is in his mind; and he always cums as she leans in to kiss him, her hands wrapping over his own. Then it sets in – what he'd just done. And he stares down at his semen covered hand in disgust. Why can't he stop doing this?

**Author's Note:**

> For Karen.


End file.
